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In my book, One Caregiver’s Journey, I share many truths about being a sole caregiver to my mother over a period that spanned nearly a decade. The book is a no-nonsense assessment of the pleasant and not-so-pleasant days caregivers’ encounter. As the years passed, I had weeks when I did not journal because my days did not change and the many physical and mental issues, I dealt with did not change.
Caregiving Isn’t for Everyone
I have been thrown off Facebook caregiving groups for making that statement. After the Covid pandemic it became apparent that millennials had become the largest group of caregivers in the United States.
Many families became multi-generational as they began caring for their elderly loved ones simultaneously along with children. The stress of maintaining a remote job and assisting with and promoting remote learning for children was complicated with learning to care for elderly relatives. Because of the high cost of senior living facilities many of these multigenerational families have become the norm and still exist.
During that same time an inordinate number of single people also became caregivers to their elderly parents.
The mental strain of not being able to socialize freely created numerous Facebook tribes of young caregivers sharing their problems, looking for support, and crying out for help. I quickly recognized the traits of people who should not be caregivers. The mental strain of being isolated in their home with someone with dementia often resulted in younger caregivers making threats of physical harm to the elderly person.
I fully understand the difficult issue of coping with someone who makes the same repetitive comments for hours. The resolution offered by many online sympathizers was to seek professional counseling. We were in lockdown, and who was going to sit with Grandma while a caregiver lay on the couch lamenting their living situation to learn to cope?
The real answer was to assess your situation and honestly determine if you could continue being a caregiver. Not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver – and that is not a put-down. Not everyone wants to end their career, and not everyone can cope with the occasional unpleasant rigors of being a caregiver.
The Physical and Mental Strain of Caregiving
Caregiving is physically demanding. A year after my mother passed away, I had a rotator cuff repair for tears in two areas of my shoulder. They were caused by years of lifting my mother up and down from bed and her chair. Many caregivers suffer from various physical injuries during their tenure of caregiving.
It is not uncommon for caregivers to experience strains and sprains of muscles and tendons of all areas of the body. For the sole caregiver, as I was, the mental and physical demands became greater as time progressed and my mother aged. Her mobility became more difficult, and she required more assistance at the expense of my body. Caregiving is a commitment. Caregivers must respond to the demands of the situation and not at your personal toll.
Mental awareness of every aspect of daily living and the needs of your loved one is especially important. The safety of your loved one is paramount, and it is up to the caregiver to ensure their loved one is in a safe and stable environment. It is up to the caregiver to learn to cope with the daily changes that occur over time being a caregiver.
What One Caregiver’s Journey Offers Regarding These
In One Caregiver’s Journey, I offer many ideas of ways I learned to make my life easier and my mother’s life safer. I learned to give her two insulin shots daily, and to monitor her other medications.
Friends and family who were once caregivers often shared their tips and advice. If it makes your life easier, heed it. If you allow your loved one to participate in meal planning or make decisions about what they’d like to wear that day, your life as a caregiver is much less complicated.
My mother had favorite foods which I prepared often. She also asked for foods from her childhood which were not always easy to find but I did do my best. I prepared three meals daily for her, ensured she was showered daily and clean, and ensured my house was clean and safe.
Are You Up to Be a Sole Caregiver?
Something I think is important when considering whether to become a sole caregiver is can you live is isolation. A sole caregiver must develop a mental acuity. This includes not having a social life or feeling left out of family functions.
The stark reality is that the world goes on without you. People continue living their lives and, after a while, you are unable to participate. Your elderly loved one cannot sit in the hot sun for a barbecue. They cannot go up and down flights of stairs to get into and out of the houses of relatives. They cannot sit in cars for long periods of time, and they cannot be left alone for long periods of time let alone days.
A sole caregiver is relegated to staying home to care for their loved one. For many caregivers this presents mental strain. For myself, after nearly a decade of being a sole caregiver, I learned not to think about what I might be missing out on. I became laser focused on the task at hand, caring for mom.
I invite you to read about my journey. One Caregiver’s Journey is available on Amazon, online at Barnes and Noble and at my website www.onecaregiversjourney.com.
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