Photo by Kindel Media
Caregiving is often physically demanding and emotionally challenging, even stemming from love, care, and strong family bonds. This isn’t a complaint but proof that caregivers are also humans—bound to be exhausted. As humans, there are limitations. While the motivation may come from affection and a sense of duty, the unrelenting stress of caregiving can sometimes lead to feelings of frustration and exhaustion. Eventually, they would feel resentment in caregiving.
This could affect the quality in home senior care.
What Is a Caregiving Resentment?
Caregiving resentment is a negative feeling, such as frustration, anger, and exasperation, that can arise from someone who provides care for another person. These feelings often develop when the demands of caregiving become overwhelming. The commitment usually involves long hours, physical strain, and emotional challenges, as caregivers prioritize the needs of others above their own. Without any physical and emotional support, caregivers would feel unvalued, unsupported, and unappreciated.
Even in other workplaces, those feelings can be felt when one’s needs and desires aren’t met. However, in the field of caregiving, this resentment is crucial. You are pouring care and affection into the situation, much like filling a cup with water. But to feel those, you just can’t. The line, ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup,’ applies here. It would help to take care of yourselves before you can effectively care for others. Otherwise, you will feel instances of neglect, decreased patience, and a lack of empathy, which can all have a detrimental effect on the well-being of the senior.
Recognizing the causes and signs of resentment in caregiving can prevent it. Knowing these may help alleviate the situation and eventually solve it. Of course, you can only solve a problem by addressing and acknowledging that it exists.
Here are the causes and signs of caregiving resentment and ways to address it.
Common Causes of Caregiving Resentment:
The common caregiving problems are primarily mental and physical concerns. There are repercussions of the said concerns that would lead to resentment.
Imbalance in Responsibilities: In most cases, family members divide the responsibility by creating a schedule for each. However, when there is an imbalance in the division of duties, the feeling of burden to care is experienced. This may be caused by a conflict in the schedule from one of the family members. While this is sometimes inevitable, frequent occurrences can also cause resentment in caregiving.
Lack of Appreciation: As a responsibility, caregiving has a list of to-dos and requests from the recipient or recipient’s family. The efforts to follow those and meet the needs and requests can be tiring despite being passionate about it. Not recognizing these efforts would make the caregiver feel unappreciated and not valued.
Loss of Independence: Caregiving is also a commitment. Therefore, you have to devote your time, which can sometimes include sacrificing personal time, goals, or social activities to meet caregiving needs.
Physical and Emotional Exhaustion: This is quite normal to feel if you’re caregiving.
Even so, it is one of the prime reasons for resentment in caregiving. Emotional fatigue and physical exhaustion are all products of a lack of sleep and emotional support.
Unrealistic Expectations: In a physically demanding job like caregiving, sometimes you set unrealistic expectations for yourself. There are occasions when you think you can do it all or you’re pressured to do it all, which could take a toll on yourself and compromise the quality of work.
Common Signs of Caregiving Resentment:
- Frequent feelings of frustration or irritability.
- Guilt for resenting the person being cared for.
- Isolation from friends or loved ones.
- Decreased motivation or enjoyment in caregiving tasks.
- Negative thoughts about the caregiving role or the person being cared for.
A woman assisting an elderly man | Photo by Matthias Zomer
How to Address It
Practice Self-Care: Self-care must be holistic, encompassing the mental, physical, and emotional aspects of yourself. To recharge, prioritize rest. Sleep should be a priority because it will be disrupted several times during the night. At the same time, consider going back to doing your hobbies and social time to pause and breathe from work.
Seek Support: What are friends for? They are there as your support system. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups to share the burden and feelings.
Set Boundaries: You may say yes to everything the family says in the hope of impressing them and avoiding being labeled as uncooperative. Please don’t. Define what you can and cannot handle to avoid overextending yourself.
Communicate: Transparent communication is one key to avoiding resentment in caregiving. If appropriate, express your feelings to others involved in caregiving or the care recipient.
Seek Professional Help: This might be the last resort. When things worsen, consult for professional help right away. It’s best to trust these things to experts, like therapists or counselors, who can help navigate complex emotions and find coping strategies.
Caregiving resentment is natural and shared, but it can be managed with the right strategies and support. Recognizing it early is vital in maintaining emotional well-being and providing quality care.
Eleanor Gaccetta’s One Caregiver’s Journey unfolds her story as a caregiver for ten years and explains how she managed physical pain and discomfort throughout that period. As a sole caregivershe experienced all of the emotions and situations described in this article. You can purchase a copy of One Caregiver’s Journey on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Google Books. It’s also available at www.onecaregiversjourney.com. Click here to order your copy now!
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