Advocating for Yourself as a Caregiver

In my book, One Caregiver’s Journey, I relate my life experience of being a sole caregiver for nine and a half years. The internet was not the go-to tool it is today, and I did not think to use it as a caregiver. I made a commitment to care for my mother as best I could and found resilience in addressing every situation. I was my mother’s advocate and responsible for her care and wellbeing. But I had to learn to advocate for myself while ensuring I was meeting both our needs. I learned that I could advocate for myself by employing basic caregiving qualities. The most important skill to learn is to recognize the need to advocate without anger. Anger clouds the caregiver’s ability to advocate for him or herself.

1. Patience. Patience is the essence of being a good caregiver. Often the very things a caregiver is advocating for requires us to be still and wait. Wait for answers or action. If you rush for action or answers, or advocate without patience, the results are not going to be optimum.

• Compassion. When you care for someone else it must be with an open mind and heart. Advocating for yourself as a caregiver will be easier if the compassion you carry for your loved one is evident. What does this mean? Well, if you are looking for respite to regain the caregiving strength, then your advocacy must demonstrate that a short break will provide the strength and compassion to continue caregiving. Advocating with compassion is inter-changeable with acting with love.

• Humor. Caregivers who look for humor in their caregiving role will advocate for themselves without drama. I lived in an isolated environment for nine and a half years with little help or respite. As a caregiver, I did not advocate from a negative point of view. Humor helps diffuse a request. Self-advocacy should not be construed as a dire request.

• Being Present. A caregiver’s self-advocacy cannot distract from providing care to loved ones. Be present to the needs of both the caregiver and the patient. Today caregiver advocacy often includes utilizing social media sites for support. Too much time online may leave a patient without proper care. Being present requires balancing caregiver needs and providing care.

• Detail Oriented. When advocating for yourself as a caregiver, be attentive to details. Do you need a particular service? Do you need someone to explain a medical situation? Do you need respite? Regardless of the caregiver’s requests, they should include details. For example, if a caregiver wants respite, the request must detail who will assume caregiving duties during the time away.

• Able to Accept Help. Advocating for yourself is not the act of being a martyr. When caregivers advocate for help, they should openly accept it. Caregivers often feel hesitant about self-advocating. When the response to the request is positive and caring, accept it.

• Willing to Set Boundaries. Advocacy is not asking for advice not warranted. Caregivers become overwhelmed when everyone has an opinion. Often, the opinion is how to provide better care. Advocating for yourself as a caregiver includes the ability to say no and set a boundary. It is ok to openly disagree if someone’s perception of your advocacy does not match your need.

• Cooperative. Caregivers need to cooperate and compromise when advocating for themselves. Advocating for yourself as a caregiver will be much easier in a cooperative manner. The result of your advocacy might be a compromise. That is ok so long as there is cooperation and a cooperative mindset. Advocating for yourself as a caregiver must be in a peaceful manner.

If you are a caregiver reading One Caregiver’s Journey is a must. It is a treasured trove of ideas and a snapshot of the changes and challenges of caregiving over time. Throughout the book there are tips on how advocating for yourself as a caregiver is accomplished  Grab a copy at Amazon, Barnes and Noble or most online book retailers, or www.onecaregiversjourney.com.