Photo by Mehmet Turgut Kirkgoz
Caregivers and families are eventually faced with the decision of when to take the car keys away from elderly relatives.
In my book, One Caregiver’s Journey, I discuss one of the most difficult decisions adult children and elderly parents must make. Driving is one of the last vestiges of independence for adults. Taking the car away is akin to cutting one’s arm off. It takes dedicated patience to convince parents they should no longer drive and when to take the car keys away.
The decision for my mother to stop driving at age 91 was based on moving into a new home. My mother was a champion driver and could navigate the car to any destination. At one time she was able to drive the mountain passes and roads with no hesitation. As she aged, she became more cautious and limited her driving to the hairdresser and to sitting with her sister when she was at a dialysis center very near our home. Her sister passed away and she would only drive to the hairdresser at age 91. When we moved to a new home, she insisted she could continue to drive but after I brought her to the hairdresser a couple of times, she decided that if I had Fridays off, I could drop her off at the hairdresser, go get groceries and retrieve her within about an hour. All was well until my brother sold her car, then the reality set in that she was not going to drive again. She blamed me until the day she died for taking her keys because she was fully capable of driving.
There are ways to convince parents they should no longer drive rather than just selling the car. Ride with them. Make an appointment with the DMV for a driving test and to enroll in a Mature Driving Course to see if they meet the standards. Check the car on occasion for dents, scratches, and missing paint chips.
It is important to remember that a person’s age is not the sole reason for taking away driving privileges and car keys. Many seniors in their 80s and 90s are still active and safe drivers. There are those in their 50sw and 60s who have become a danger to themselves and others on the road. The true factors that must be considered in this decision should be the mental and physical condition of the senior. Another factor is to consider where they live. If they live in a rural area, chances are the town residents know them, traffic is not going to be a factor as neighbors will pull over to let them pass. If however, they live in a metropolitan area where there is heavy traffic and congestion, then the considerations change. If keys are ultimately taken away and/or a car is sold, assure them it is not the end of their independence.
Family members might take turns bringing them to the store or hairdresser or look for solutions in senior agency transportation. If you are facing this dilemma, here are some of the signs and questions to ask to help make these difficult decisions.
- Do they have problems with lanes? Do they change lanes frequently or straddle lanes?
- Do they ignore or miss traffic signals or signs? Do they fail to use turn signals or keep them on without changing lanes?
- Do they brake or stop abruptly, hit the accelerator, drive significantly slower than posted speeds, costs to nearly a stop in moving traffic while pressing the brake and accelerator simultaneously?
- Are they more nervous when driving? Do they have more near-miss occurrences or back up after missing an exit?
- As we age our reflexes are not as quick to process multiple images or sounds. Our body (neck) is not as flexible to see traffic on the right or left and has difficulty seeing pedestrians or other vehicles.
- Do they get disoriented or lost more easily, even if they are in a familiar location but is confused in traffic?
- Have they received two or more traffic tickets or warnings in the past two years?
- Are there dents or scrapes on the car, or on a fence, garage door, mailbox or even on the curb?
These are signs to look for as a way to make this difficult decision of when to take the car keys away.
Grab a copy of One Caregiver’s Journey on Amazon or at www.onecaregiversjourney.com. It is a journal written over nearly a decade of being the sole caregiver for my mother. It is a blueprint for caregiving and a snapshot of the realities of of the changes and challenges of being a caregiver for a decade.
Frequently Asked Questions About Senior Driving and When to Take the Car Keys
Based on the article “When to Take the Car Keys Away” from One Caregiver’s Journey, here are some frequently asked questions to help caregivers and families navigate this difficult decision.
1. Why is taking away a senior’s car keys such a difficult decision?
Driving is one of the last vestiges of independence for adults. Taking the car away is often described as “akin to cutting one’s arm off.” It requires dedicated patience to convince parents they should no longer drive because it represents a significant loss of freedom and autonomy.
2. What is the main message of this article?
The article emphasizes that age alone is not the sole reason for taking away driving privileges. The decision should be based on a senior’s mental and physical condition, their driving behavior, and their living environment. It offers practical signs to look for and suggests a compassionate approach.
Key Considerations
3. Is age the most important factor in deciding when to take the keys?
No. The article clearly states that many seniors in their 80s and 90s are still active and safe drivers, while some people in their 50s and 60s may be dangers on the road. The true factors to consider are:
- Mental condition
- Physical condition (reflexes, flexibility, vision)
- The area where they live (rural vs. metropolitan)
4. Why does the senior’s location matter?
- Rural areas: Traffic is often lighter, and town residents may know the senior, with neighbors even pulling over to let them pass.
- Metropolitan areas: Heavy traffic and congestion create more complex driving situations, which increase the risks.
Signs That It May Be Time to Take the Keys
5. What are the key warning signs to look for in a senior’s driving?
The article lists several critical signs:
| Category | Specific Signs to Watch For |
|---|---|
| Lane Control | Problems with lanes (changing lanes frequently or straddling lanes). |
| Traffic Signals | Ignoring or missing traffic signals/signs; failing to use turn signals or leaving them on without changing lanes. |
| Vehicle Control | Braking or stopping abruptly; hitting the accelerator; driving significantly slower than posted speeds; coasting to a near stop in moving traffic while pressing brake and accelerator simultaneously. |
| Nervousness & Incidents | Being more nervous when driving; having more near-miss occurrences; backing up after missing an exit. |
| Physical Limitations | Difficulty processing multiple images or sounds; reduced neck flexibility to see traffic on the sides; difficulty seeing pedestrians or other vehicles. |
| Navigation | Getting disoriented or lost more easily, even in familiar locations but confused in traffic. |
| Records | Receiving two or more traffic tickets or warnings in the past two years. |
| Physical Damage | Dents or scrapes on the car, or on fences, garage doors, mailboxes, or curbs. |
Yes. Check the car on occasion for dents, scratches, and missing paint chips. Damage to the car or nearby structures (like garage doors or mailboxes) can indicate difficulty with spatial awareness or control.
How to Approach the Conversation
7. What are some ways to assess a senior’s driving ability before making a final decision?
- Ride with them to observe their driving firsthand.
- Make an appointment with the DMV for a driving test.
- Enroll them in a Mature Driving Course to see if they meet current standards.
8. How can I convince a parent to stop driving without just selling the car?
The article suggests a gradual and observational approach rather than an abrupt one. Use the assessment methods above (riding with them, DMV tests) to make an objective decision. The author notes that her mother (at age 91) eventually accepted the change after being driven by the author a few times.
9. What should I do after the car keys are taken away?
Assure them it is not the end of their independence. Offer alternative transportation solutions such as:
- Family members taking turns bringing them to the store or hairdresser.
- Looking for transportation solutions through senior agencies.
The Author’s Personal Experience
10. What happened in Eleanor Gaccetta’s experience with her mother?
Eleanor’s mother was a champion driver who, at age 91, limited her driving to the hairdresser. After they moved to a new home, the author drove her mother a couple of times, and her mother agreed that if Eleanor had Fridays off, she could drop her off and pick her up. The situation became difficult when Eleanor’s brother sold the car, making the loss of independence a reality. Her mother blamed Eleanor until the day she died, believing she was fully capable of driving. This highlights the deep emotional impact this decision can have.
Be patient and dedicated. Use the listed signs and questions to help make an informed, objective decision. Remember that this is one of the most difficult decisions you will face, and it’s important to balance safety with compassion.
